Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
