my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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