Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
