I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
