it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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