R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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