I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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