I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize