Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
