I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
