when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
