im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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