Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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