I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
