Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
