the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
