my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
