He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
