I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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