He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
