So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
