C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
