I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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