don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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