We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
