I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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