Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
