dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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