Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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