im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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