im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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