I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
