barbara walters just said penis...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
