i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
