dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
