I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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