sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize