So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
