Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
