I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
