We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize