So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
