the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize