Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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