its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
