I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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