i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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