so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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