went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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