Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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