Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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