your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
