I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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