I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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