I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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