Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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