@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
