There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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