okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
