It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
