Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
