i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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