in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
