Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
