I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
