i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
