If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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