Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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