ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
