Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
