There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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