Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
