I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
